Fan Art

We get lots of mail here at Samurai headquarters, but nothing is as totally cool as the pictures that our fans send us. This one comes from Josh Bezwick in New Brunswick, NJ and he writes:

"Deer four String Samuray!
I saw you at a comedy show in Long Iland last yeer. I thought you were reely funny except for the tall, preppy guy, but he was a good rock, so its ok. Please send me any stickers or buttons you guys have!!

Sinceerly,
Josh Bezwick"

Thanks Josh! We don't have any stickers or buttons but we're sending you an official 4 String Samurai cigarette lighter and a throwing star just for writing in.

Yours in Comedy,

Paul

About Us...

Four String Samurai is a world-renowned improv super group that began in the woods way back in 2004, performing a style of improvisation unlike anything you may have seen before. The goal is to balance what you think you’re thinking with what you thought you thought. They’ve been performing all over the Triangle for the last three and a half years, and usually can be found lurking in Durham, NC. Four String Samurai opened up the 2006 Dirty South Improv Festival as well as played alongside the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater at the Philadelphia Improv Festival in 2004.

Blending styles of Connecticut, New York, California, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, St. Louis, Salt Lake City, and Chicago, none of them are actually from North Carolina, but they all call it home and they’ll entertain you like they’re your cousins.

Wrong Number...

Okay, so, all is pretty well in Samurailand this week. Rettb and I had it out and I think he now understands his "role" in the team. We had a good practice on Sunday and we are all excited for our upcoming huge gig. Which brings me to my concern this week. Our gig is on April 28th, not the 14th, even though it says the 14th in the sidebar, just to the right of this post. Everytime I visit this blog, which is, like, a bazillion times a day, I see that date and I desperately want to change it. But, guess what? I can't. I don't have "access". Who does, you ask?

Mr. C.J. Conklin, who is, by the way, a liar.

CJ Conklin started this blog and asked us all to "contribute". I'm the creative one in the group, so I immediately started coming up with a "look" for the blog. I found an 8-bit picture of a ninja on the net and repeated it in photoshop, like a million times, and then mirrored half of the ninjas, so it looks like half a million ninjas fighting half a million other ninjas. In other words, AWESOME! I also found this really cool stop-motion animation movie of this guy who is riding this other guy like a skateboard and does kickflips and ollies and no-hander backside 900s and I was totally gonna put it in the sidebar 'cuz it would give people something to look at and it wouldn't be annoying at all. Well, after doing all that work (six hours), I logged on to the blogger (ten minutes. I have dial-up.), only to be told that I wasn't "allowed" to make changes to the template. Grrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!! I confronted CJ Conklin about this on Sunday and he assured me that HE would make all the changes when he got home. So, I sent him all my awesome design files (2 hours. Dial-up) with specific instructions about placement and colors and stuff and well, do YOU see any Ninjas? No. Is the date of our gig correct? Also, no. Are you enjoying the really cool stop-motion animation movie of this guy who is riding this other guy like a skateboard and does kickflips and ollies and no-hander backside 900s? No numero tres.

Dear CJ Conklin,
Webmaster does NOT mean "Master of the Universe and all the people in it". Please stop hurting the team with your power trip.

Yours in Comedy,

Paul

More than just food...

Okay, so apparently the person that I wrote about in my last post somehow figured out I was talking about him. Thanks to whoever told him! NOT. That was a private blog post about an issue in OUR team, not your stupid life. Jerk. And thanks to you, he's now super-mad at me. When we met on Sunday he came late (on purpose I'm sure 'cause he was thinking of ways to avoid talking to me) and when he arrived, there was a silence that could only be described as "stony" (stoney?). Anyways, when he did talk, he just made fun of my motorcycle safety apparel and was totally snarky about everything. The rest of us were all super-psyched because we have a huge gig booked for the 14th of April and then he was all, like: "Sorry guys, I'm going to Costa Rica." WHA? Over a blog post? Geez. Okay, Big baby-man, if you feel like you need to go all the way to Europe to get away from me, fine. But don't hurt the team. I know you said you were going to see a "friend", but come on, we know there isn't anybody there and that this is just your way of saying: "I may not be as smart and funny as you guys, but I've got enough money to fly around the world, so, suck on that, bitches."

Look, we wouldn't have you on the team if we didn't like you. You are just as much a part of us "winning" at improv as anybody else. Like a mascot or cheerleader or the guy who cleans up the spilled Gatorade after a victory. Like the beaver who runs on the field at Oregon State games and does flips and stuff, and who doesn't love that beaver? Please reconsider your "travel" plans and show some support for the rest of us.

Yours in Comedy,

Paul

Paul's rehearsal wrap up...

It's pretty normal for Chris and Austin and me to be hilarious all the time. Our coach is always pulling us aside and telling us how cool our choices are and how our object work is all, like, good and stuff. We can pretty much hit a comedy home run every time we step up to the plate. In fact, we can step up to the plate and point to the outfield wall like that old baseball guy did and pretty much hit a home run to any part of the park that we just pointed at. Like I could be all pointing at left field and say, like: "I'm gonna make the audience laugh so hard that they literally crap themselves.", then BAM!!!!!!!!!! Going, going, gone. You get the idea. We're really funny.

There's also a fourth member of the team. I don't want to use his name here 'cause I don't want to hurt his feelings, so we'll just call him Rettb. Rettb is a really nice guy. He's also really tall, so it's awesome to use him as an object in scenes. Like last week I was an Indian scout in one scene and I was all like: "Hey, I'm gonna wait for the cowboys behind this rock." and he was totally the rock, you know? Awesome. The problem is, even though he makes a really good rock/telephone pole/stop sign/big, speechless monster, he's just not that funny usually. Like last week, I had this scene that I wanted to do all planned out in my head about these MONKEYS WHO LIVE IN A BANANA SHAPED SPACE STATION. Right? Right? So, I came on stage and was all, like: "Good morning corporal. Anything new on the radar?" and he was all: " I have not seen any submarines all morning sir." DAMMIT! I tried to steer him back to my idea by saying:"Aren't you hungry for another banana yet? I sure work up an appetite out here in SPACE." But he was just all, like:"Sure I'll have a banana." WTF?

Anyway, stuff like that happens all the time. I'll think about a totally hilarious scenario all the way over to practice in the car, then when I get onstage with him, it totally turns in to something different, which really throws me. I like to have a plan when I improvise and I don't like that plan to change. It's not really Rettb's fault. He's just not as good at listening as the rest of us. So, instead of playing the blame game, I'm gonna try something new this week. I'm just gonna say as much information as I can right at the beginning of the scene and see if he can catch on. For instance, I've been working on this totally hilarious scenario in my head where there's this blind guy sitting on a park bench and a mime comes by and starts to make fun of him, except the blind guy can't see him and the mime can't talk. Awesome! So, I'm gonna be the blind guy and say things like: "Is that a mime I smell?" and "Hey, you're not making fun of me, are you?" I hope it works. Wish me luck.

Yours in comedy,

Paul