The secret of my success

Oh hi. I didn't hear you come in. My name is Christopher, but you can call me by my graffitoist name, Pup Luv. After seeing a particularly choice graffito of mine, young graffitoists will come up to me and say, "Hey Christopher" and I'll say, "My name is Christopher, but you can call me by my graffitoist name, Pup Luv." Then they will inevitably say, "Hey Pup Luv, can you tell me some secrets? I want to make a graffito as good as yours." Then I will say, "I have no idea what you're talking about." Then they will convince me that they are not a cop, and I will tell them my secrets.

These folks focus on the smooth bubbles of my letters and the straightness of the lines that I intend to be straight, and the perfect spacing of it all. It is then I share my secret:


That's right, the rolling ruler. This classy measurement device is a protractor, a compass, a ruler, and a rolling ruler all in one. When you're in a men's room stall and find it's time to unsheathe your sharpie and stick it to a harpy, it's rolling ruler time. The rolling ruler is perfect for marking your small scale trail.

"But Christopher," you might say, and I would reply, "My name is Christopher, but you can call me by my graffitoist name, Pup Luv." "Pup Luv," you say, "I saw a graffito of yours just today, and it covered an entire wall, and a large one at that, and it was rolling ruler perfect." "Aha!" I would say.

I would say "Aha!" because of this:


These images are not to scale. The second one is of my giant client, the jumbo rolling ruler. It is twelve feet long. The holes are big enough to accommodate a spray can nozzle. It is the real deal, Banana Peel.

But what about the quieter times? When I feel the need for an evening auto-erotic graffito experience, I reach for this:


That is the one-inch-long-with-the-inch-divided-into-twelfths rolling ruler. When I want to tag my bag but also need to measure than angle of my dangle to get it right, Dwight, I know I can trust my one-inch-long-with-the-inch-divided-into-twelfths rolling ruler because of its precision protractor.

Since you let yourself in (remember I didn't hear you come in) please feel to show yourself out. Just remember next time you're out at a fine store to seek out your new rolling ruler, preferably in all three sizes. You could tell them Christopher sent you because my name is Christopher, but you can call me by my graffitoist name, Pup Luv. They'll know me be the latter.