My Review of the 5 Minutes of the Oscars That I Watched

This is not my area of expertise, but when you're a celebrity and you're going to an awards show, do you not get to see your outfit until 20 minutes before you're supposed to arrive? How else to explain Daniel Day Lewis' brown shoes with a black tuxedo, Viggo Mortenson's "five sizes to big" suit jacket, or the jungle print dress that the woman who wrote "Juno" was wearing?

For the record, I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt while watching.